Everyday People

I was lying awake (obviously – LOL!) in bed the other night when I heard this song during an intermission during my favorite late-night talk show. It is one of my favorites, and, it never fails to lift my spirits whenever I listen to it. I had not heard the song in YEARS.

As I bobbed my head to the beat, and mouthed the words, the following thought came to me:

Were Sly et. al. drinking the 60’s Kool Aid of peace, love and equality, or, does the song’s message continue to have relevance for today?

Something which has been bothering me

I had another post ready to go. However, the more I looked at that post, and the more I thought about this one, my heart told me to go with the latter.

This is an actual email I sent to a Facebook friend early this morning. I await her reply, but, I won’t hold my breath – figuratively and literally. Besides, I need to continue doing ‘the work’. The title of this post is also the subject line of the email.

Anyway, here it is.

Dear_______________________,

Even though I don’t know you very well, we are FB friends. So, as a friend, I need to share my feelings with you.

The quiz, “What is your ghetto nickname?” really bothered me. It bothered me that you completed it. I realize that such quizzes may appear to be fun, but, the term ‘ghetto” is pejorative. Here is why: ‘ghetto’ as a pejorative.

It also seemed to me, on the basis of your response, that you didn’t really seem to think that there was a problem with the quiz until I brought it to your attention. If this wasn’t the case, why did you complete it? The fact that your cousin sent it to you can’t be the reason.

Since I left my initial comments on your page, the situation has really bothered me. I debated as to whether to press the issue, or to leave it alone. However, my conscience took over; I could no longer leave it alone.

I was also bothered by a statement you made. You were frustrated with work, and made the comment that since slavery was abolished, work should be abolished. Paid work and slavery aren’t the same thing. In fact, comparing your feelings about your job, and the brutality and inhumanity of slavery, only trivializes the latter.

So, what I am saying is that I would like to encourage you to be more thoughtful in your comments, and in your choices. We all read what you post.

I hope you will read the link I provided.

Be well.

Thoughts?

Say What? Wednesday

I like quotes. In fact, over at my teaching blog, I begin each entry with a quote pertaining to the topic at hand.

In the spirit of this blog, the quotes will pertain to anti-racism.

So, to kick things off, here is the first installment of Say What? Wednesday:

Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated. – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1958

Thoughts? Reactions? Recollections?

Do Institutional Diversity Training Programs Work?

I am a more realistic anti-racist today than I was 20 years ago. Which is to say that I would have answered the question to my post as a 24-year-old with an unequivocal, “Yes!” Having worked at four different independent schools, two colleges and one TRIO program – each workplace claiming a superficial commitment to diversity – my perspectives on institutional diversity training programs and their effectiveness have changed significantly.

Additionally, I am blessed/cursed – depending on how one looks at the situation – for having the view from the other side as a diversity coordinator at one of the four independent schools. It was a less-than-satisfactory experience – both personally and professionally – precisely because the school did not walk the proverbial talk. It is a position I would not touch with a ten-foot pole today. When one is made to feel that she has to not only build the ship, but navigate it, too, it is not an ideal situation.

That said, most people of color do the work of diversity and multiculturalism every day, and without it being an underwritten component of our assigned duties. It’s a part of being a person of color in American society.

The fundamental reason why I think institutional diversity training programs don’t work is that they fail to foster an understanding of prejudice and bigotry on a personal level. Most people grasp Racism – i.e. Ku Klux Klan, The Holocaust, but not racism – the prejudice and bigotry which impacts one’s viewpoints and relationships with others. The fact of the matter is: Every person is prejudiced on some level. Coming to terms with one’s own prejudices is uncomfortable, even painful, and most institutional diversity training efforts refrain from getting people to think that deeply. However, one cannot accurately see and call out racism – both big and small ‘r’ – until she has been forced to call out her own.

Another reason why institutional diversity training programs don’t work is, and which I posted as a comment in response to one of my readers, is the following:

Not many people, and especially two people of different races, can share (so) openly and honestly. But, it takes a lot of mutual respect, and a lot of mutual trust, for such sharing to occur. Which is why I believe that institutional diversity training programs don’t work; the mutual trust and respect often aren’t there.

So…what is the solution?

If there were a way to create small dialogue groups, where the trust and respect can be forged, then real progress may occur in getting people to connect to their own prejudices, while becoming more aware of the experiences of others. But, such dialogue groups would have to meet regularly and consistently, and over a long period of time – say, 12 months – in order for the dialogue groups to have a real impact. Per my experience, not many organizations – not even schools – are committed to such an intensive diversity experience. Perhaps in theory, but certainly not in practice.

What is your experience with institutional diversity training programs? What works? What doesn’t?

Derailing For Dummies

Apparently, Derailing for Dummies has been out there in the ether for some time. However, a member of my twibe tweeted the link. To share the information love – because, after all, it’s all about education with Miss Incognegro – I shared it with my Facebook friends.

Although satirical in nature, Derailing for Dummies, in a reverse manner, serves to arm anti-racists with the language to combat the prejudice, bigotry, and racism of those who wish to debate the -isms. In fact, the goal of the creator of the document is “to draw the marginalised together and in alliance”.

A Facebook friend who read my link – she and I grew up in the same town, and attended the same high school – said the following about Derailing for Dummies:

But, we’ve been watching them operate our whole lives. We could have written the piece.

She’s absolutely right. Anyone who has spent a lifetime – whether voluntarily or involuntarily – engaged in conversations with racists and bigots could have written the script for Derailing for Dummies. Which is very sad to me. It’s sad that writing such a document, at least for me, is easier than writing a 20-page term paper; I know the script for all too well.

The greatest irony of Derailing for Dummies? Most racists will never discover it. Which, actually, is a good thing.

For the back-story on Derailing for Dummies, click here.

Mindhearted

Recently, I told Kara Burrell Wright of Mindhearted that I would post her wonderful video on my blog.

It’s a very nice way of ending a week of pretty heavy posts.

Let Kara know what you think of her video. She is on Twitter.

To paraphrase Kara’s words: What do the children and/or young adults in your life learn from your life?

That’s it for this week. Unless I am so compelled, I don’t plan to write this weekend. I am really striving to stick to a five-day-a-week schedule. So, until Monday, feel free to poke around the blog, read, and comment.:)

Black Folks Have To Call Out Their Own, Too

Several weeks ago, I attended Sunday morning service at my family church. By family church, I mean the place where my parents and I worship, and where we’ve worshiped for years. The pastor is new, and is in his trial period. Like many Black Baptist pastors, he is into the call and response style of preaching. Well, on this particular Sunday, I guess he wasn’t getting the level of response he desired, and made the following comment:

I must be in a Hebrew synagogue.

I gasped. Then my jaw dropped. Then I turned to my Dear Dad, who was sitting next to me, and whispered, “Did you hear what the pastor just said?!” Unfortunately, he had not. Dear Dad, as chairman of the Trustee Board, had money on his mind; he was reviewing the offering tally sheets for the morning when the pastor made the statement. But, he took my word for it; he knows my racism BS meter is on-point.

For the remainder of the service, I shut down. Nothing else the pastor had to say mattered to me. I think I experienced each stage of grief from that point until the end of the service. Then, finally, it was time to go home.

During the car ride home, my Dear Dad and I discussed what had occurred. I kept repeating what the pastor had said, as if somehow that would change things, and make the hurt and disappointment go away. Dear Dad encouraged me to contact the pastor, and let him know how I felt.

Hmmm.

For those who know me well know that I have no problem confronting anyone. But, somehow, this was different: I had to confront someone who looks like me, and call out his racism.

Before I made the phone call, I needed to get confirmation that I had actually heard things correctly. So, I naturally shared the situation with my Dear Mother and Dear Brother, who both agreed that what the pastor had said was wrong. In fact, my Dear Brother said the comment as racist and anti-Semitic.

I was determined to contact the pastor, but, admittedly, I was nervous about it. So much so, three days passed before I picked up the telephone to make the call. I left a message, which the pastor returned, and left a message, informing me that he could call back later on in the day. Which he did. Following the usual pleasantries, I began to explain to the pastor my feelings regarding what I had heard. Not only did I find his comment anti-Semitic, but, I also believed that as a pastor, he is to be a role model of tolerance and anti-racism. Furthermore, there were children and youth in the audience who heard his comment, and, as a result, may have received the message that saying such things is okay. Last, people in the community associate the integrity of an organization with its members, and, that such a comment may have compromised the integrity of the church and its members. Whew!

But, after all of that, the pastor just didn’t get it. He neither owned what he had said, nor had any plans to correct the situation. He told me he was “sorry if I was offended”, read: “You’re too stupid to understand what it was I was really trying to say.” He then went on to say that he has made similar comments about other faiths, which I find totally uncool. Once again, I experienced each stage of grief. Following this, I told the pastor that I was disappointed in his response, and did not agree with him. He was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Was it too much to expect that the pastor would have said, “You’re right, I f***ed up, and I am going to apologize to the congregation the following week”? I don’t think so. However, a person who harbors prejudiced beliefs is in denial, and will try to justify his thoughts and actions.

On some level, I gained a greater appreciation for what White allies experience when having to call out their own people. It is neither easy nor pleasant, but necessary. Although I was disappointed in the outcome of the conversation with the pastor, I am hopeful that what I said did cause him to raise an eyebrow, and, at the very least, take greater care in the words he chooses in the future. After all, at least one person in the congregation is listening and watching.

Have you had to call someone out for having made a racist remark?

What It’s Not

About two years ago, I signed up for a Twitter account for the first time. Not sure what led me to do it. It seemed, ‘cool’ – the thing to do. That first time, however, constituted a very brief stint. After a month, I took an 18-month Twitter vacation. What turned me off? At that time, Twitter seemed to be heavily appropriated by edutechies. At least, the conversation centered around any and all things tech and education, and everything in-between. I viewed the culture, therefore, as something of a clique. If one wasn’t a part of ‘the club’ which, incidentally, was predominately white and male, it was difficult for me get my voice heard.

Honestly, I am not sure what led me to give Twitter a second chance, which was in April of this year. I built a base of “friends” from amongst those with whom I blogged – mostly teachers – and the network has expanded from there. The people with whom I tweet are engaging, and have been a significant contributing factor for the more positive experience I am having the second time around. That said, I am frustrated with the way some folks use Twitter. More to the point, I had become even more frustrated with the way I was using Twitter. I had slipped into a chat mode, and was using the @ reply function too often. It had become an unsatisfying online experience.

So, I desired to learn how to use Twitter more effectively, which led me to conduct a Google search. While I located several websites offering advice re: how to use Twitter most effectively, I think this one is the best. That said, what follows are some of my own thoughts.

1. Twitter is NOT a chat board. After all, what sort of conversation can one have in 140 characters? Use IM, or, set up a chat board via a free online chat service, and invite friends for conversation. When I want to have a longer conversation with someone, instead of hitting @ reply multiple times, I now use the Direct Message function. Beyond that, I will email or IM. Besides, with the @ reply, all one has is a bunch of half-messages, which doesn’t make for very engaging reading after the fact.

2. Unless one is a celeb/someone famous, tweeting about what I ate/drank/bought/cooked/etc. is probably not very interesting to most people. So, I plan to limit such tweets in the future.

3. Gossiping on Twitter is a turn-off for me. It amazes me the things about which some people tweet, especially references to sex and other personal topics. Fortunately, I’ve not gotten into tweeting on such topics. Besides, everything we write online is in the public domain. I think a lot of people forget this.

4. Don’t spend all day tweeting. Get a life; go and do something else.

Having said the aforementioned, here is how I strive to use Twitter in the days and months ahead. Since Twitter is primarily a tool for my Professional Learning Network, I am going to keep things more on a professional tip.

1. To share information with teachers, and especially foreign language teachers.
2. To post updates to my blogs.
3. To post links to things I am reading, and which may be of use to those in my network.
4. To ask questions.
5. To share advice.
6. To post thought-provoking quotes/comments.
7. To chat/socialize, but on a limited basis.

My goal, after all is said? I want my time on Twitter to be its most productive – for me, and for those who read my tweets.

I think the ultimate question is: How do we use Twitter to its most effective end?

The Small Things

A visitor to my blog made the following comment:

I saw some of the really terrible things my friends of various races went through, but I only saw the major things, not the small things that add up when they occur on a daily basis.

Rarely does racism, whether personal or institutional, constitute ‘the major things’ in daily life. Rather, it often presents itself in the form of ignorant, insensitive and thoughtless comments. In other words, “…the small things that add up when they occur on a daily basis.”

However, expressions of personal and institutional racism are not always verbal. In fact, more often than not, it is what a person or environment doesn’t say with the voice, but instead that which is transmitted via suggestion, innuendo and nuance. It’s that gut feeling that all people of color know when a situation is becoming racially charged. Perhaps this is difficult for my readers who aren’t of color to comprehend. After all, I believe that people of color are endowed with a sixth sense, a sort of racism BS detector. We have to be; it is a physical, emotional and mental survival mechanism, for self-preservation.

What is an example of a ’small thing’ that isn’t verbally communicated? Encountering White people for the first time, especially when they didn’t know that I would be Black. This has happened to be on numerous occasions, especially during job interviews. I do not indicate on my resume or cover letter that I am a person of color. I don’t feel that it’s important to do so. I also don’t sound ‘typically Black’. So, when I arrive, there’s The Look. Albeit subtle, there’s the slight raising of the eyebrows, or the widening of the eyes. The person in question may or may not be prejudiced, but, there is a slight feeling of “shock and awe” conveyed, and without words.

Conversely, there are those ’small things’ that are communicated in words, whether verbally or written. Several weeks ago, a Facebook “friend” expressed her frustration with having to be at work – a job she obviously dislikes. So, to paraphrase, she compares her lot to slavery, and that work should be abolished, since slavery was abolished. I did call her out on it, and reminded her that she, at least, is getting paid for her work. My ‘friend’ tried to clean up her comment, with some help from another ‘friend.’ I think she eventually connected to the fact that she had said something that wasn’t too cool.

There is an old adage which suggests that one pick her battles. I suppose that this adage applies to the above. However, I believe that fighting the small things may mitigate the major things. Admittedly, I don’t always fight the small things; it’s exhausting, and some days, I just don’t want to. But, on the days that I am able to summon the energy, it feels good, and it, in a strange way, energizes me for all of the small things to follow in the future, and, the major things, too.

Snark

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently about the word, “snark” in particular, and rudeness in speech in general. Apparently, there is someone else who has been reflecting a lot on the word as well. So much so, in fact, that he was motivated enough to write an entire book on the subject.

I find that the blogosphere is snarky, and in some ways, I find blogs written by people of color and by feminists of the 30 and under set to be especially snarky. I was visiting and commenting recently on one such blog. While there was a reasonable free flow of ideas, there was also this “gotcha” undertone, which I neither liked nor appreciated. It was sort of this sadistic game on the part of the poster to catch me being wrong – read: not in agreement with his point-of-view, and an attempt to show how much smarter he was than I with regard to “the issues” i.e race and class. While I don’t expect to be in agreement with everyone, and vice versa, I do expect there to be mutual respect. There was even an accusation of my wanting to take my proverbial ball and going home when I attempted to graciously depart from the conversation, seeing the futility of trying to sway the poster to a different perspective. I don’t play that, and I informed the poster of the same.

One of my partners in crime in the blogosphere cited two possible reasons, neither of which I had considered: 1. The snark is attempt to attract readers and to boost blog hits; and 2. People of color, and Black people in particular, tend to be more direct in their speech. My partner in crime, btw, is also Black. I found her rationale interesting, especially the second, for it reminded me of the time I attended the National Association of Independent School People of Color Conference in Providence, Rhode Island. The POCC – People of Color Conference – has an affinity for racial affinity groups, and, being Black, I was assigned to the African American affinity group. One of the conference attendees spoke about the manner of speech which we as African Americans are sometimes inclined to use. It is a direct, snarky speech, which can be interpreted as rude and caustic. She called it out, and which nobody countered. To my surprise.

I don’t believe that people of color have a premium on snark. I do, however, believe that there are times when our anger and frustration is communicated in a way which puts one off, as opposed to bringing one to a different way of viewing a situation.

I think many of us write, at least in our post-modern society, the way we speak. Being a middle and high school teacher, I know this to be true from experience with adolescents. The filter regulating respect and courtesy is thrown under the proverbial bus, and letting it “all hang out” occupies the driver’s seat. This is true of the things we tweet, the emails we send, and the blog posts we write. I also believe that one seems to gain greater courage when behind a computer screen and a keyboard. Thus, there is a tendency to see the reader or the commenter as devoid of humanity, and therefore, not deserving of respect. After all, that who we are unable to see, in a way, does not exist.

The fact of the matter is, people judge by the words we choose. They also judge by the tone. I don’t like snark or rudeness of any kind – whether communicated electronically or in person. Civil discourse is truly a lost art, and, in a climate and culture where bloggers are jostling for the greatest number of unique visits or a ream of comments, conversation is virtually non-existent, and shutting one down seems to be more the vibe. Which is very sad.

Have you encountered snark in your Internet communication with others?